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Coping with regret about your kids post-divorce

When you made the decision to divorce your spouse, you were likely compelled to process numerous fears and concerns regarding how your children would cope with your decision. It is both normal and healthy to worry about one’s children. It would have been odd if you had no concerns and fears about your child’s reactions to your divorce. But did you stop to worry about your own heart? Did you stop to wonder how you would cope with the changing nature of your relationship with your child in the wake of your divorce?

No matter how your child custody arrangements have been constructed, you may be struggling with some regrets in regards to your parenting situation now that your divorce has been finalized. One of the most common regrets parents have after they split from their child’s other parent is that they likely do not get to see their child every single day. Because the culture of parenting and the family legal system have evolved in recent years to become more inclusive, it is relatively rare that one parent assumes full custody and physical placement of a child in the wake of divorce unless the other parent is deemed unfit or chooses to walk away. As a result, many divorced parents go days, weeks and even months in between seeing their child face-to-face.

This scenario can be dealt with creatively and with grace. Utilizing different forms of communication such as email, Skype and other programs designed to allow users to see each other during phone calls and sending care packages can help parents to keep their children close even if they may be hundreds of miles away. However, being away from your child is rarely easy. And it may be important for you to take time to process your grief in order to be able to cope with it in healthy and complete ways.

Your divorce may have been the right decision for you, but that does not mean that every consequence it inspired is positive. Please, if you need support to cope with any regrets you may have about your divorce’s aftermath do not hesitate to reach out to various online and community resources. You need not be alone in your situation if you do not want to be.

Source: The Huffington Post, “These Divorced Parents’ Secret Regrets Are Utterly Heartbreaking,” Brittany Wong, Sep. 8, 2014

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